I Am Stressed - Where is My Paint Brush?

Using My Easel to Tone Down the Anxiety

Yes, my anxiety is about a ten right now. I have to admit I am one step away from shutting down emotionally. It is my protection mechanism that keeps me safe. While I have learned to overcome accepting change, dealing with uncertainty is one stumbling block I struggle to battle. This upcoming election is a piece of uncertainty that is keeping me in a fog of anxiety. Finding peace and stillness right now is so difficult. My mind is on overdrive, and I am literally sick to my stomach.

I am not going to ramble on about the what and why of my uncertainty here on this blog. I will respect everyone’s beliefs, feelings, and needs. I created this space to talk about my creative journey. However, this election is tangling me up in emotional knots. I do not support hate, the silencing of oppressed groups, and taking away the freedoms of human beings. PERIOD.

I will leave the political commentary to those who are really good at it. What I wanted to talk about and explore is how I have been tackling my anxiety levels through these rough and rugged past couple of days. My creativity is my protector. It hovers over me to keep me safe. My creativity keeps me balanced and sane. It allows me to float away to another world to garner the strength and support I need to push through. I can talk to it, move with it, and understand the origins of my anxiety or pain. My Creativity is my rock!

My easel is where it all happens. Yes, there are times when the act of sitting at my easel and engaging in intense problem-solving needs more energy than I can exert at that moment. Creating does take and requires an immense amount of energy. But If I am feeling overwhelmed, I pivot and shift. I might explore and engage in a more intuitive play - letting the paint move and dictate what it wants. I might use music to get myself to flow easier. I might do some intuitive free writing to let out and let go of some of the words that are creating my tangling up of emotions. Sometimes, all it takes is just writing it down and smudging it away with a paintbrush. (you should try it!).

This time around, I am battling intense feelings of uncertainty. It is hard to talk about it because our world has become very sensitive to this topic. So I move inside and talk to myself (sounds a bit crazy, but you should try this too). I get a notebook and make lists of what is hurting me and how I am feeling. I might crumble up the page or doodle over it - this creates a release that helps get out the anger that might be settling inside.

I am currently working on a piece using colored pencils during this intense, emotionally charged time. Using colored pencils helps me slow down a bit and focus on the small, tiny details. This act of creating in normal times might drive me nuts, but as my anxiety level reaches past 11 1/2, turning on my favorite relaxation music (Moby - Long Ambient Sounds) I let the pencil move slowly, with intent - being careful not to overwork the paper. It is cathartic, meditative, and extremely healing during this period.

It is funny how my anxiety fuels my creativity in different ways. There are times when I am feeling the funk and my time at my easel is uneventful or filled with constant mistakes. But other times, like today, I am feeling a bit of enthusiasm and freedom in my work. It is flowing. It is moving in a direction that feels good. So weird how my creative mind works and moves through my crazy emotional rollercoasters.

Creativity is an amazing healer. It can help you work through emotions, grief, depression, anxiety, pain etc….. I know because it has moved me through many chapters of my own life. It can be our outlet for releasing whatever is stuck inside and needs to emerge. It can be your source of understanding and clarity. Use it to support and guide you through whatever uncertainty you are feeling at this moment. This Tuesday - instead of turning on the TV or scrolling through social media (this might just drive me crazy), I am going to grab a blank canvas or a new page in my sketchbook to help soothe my energy and turn that uncertainty into something amazingly beautiful.

Will you join me?

Here is my favorite playlist when I my anxiety is on high alert