I Am an Introvert and Proud of it!

I am an introvert. I am always uncomfortable in social situations and getting up in front of a crowd is actually crippling. I am the person that will never go shopping on Christmas Eve, I have always carefully planned my shopping visits to times that I knew I would be alone. I love going to the movie theater on the week day (I am the only one in there). I always want to just slip into the background and not be seen. Talking or socializing can be so tiring sometimes - almost to the point of exhaustion and embracing a group of strangers is extremely uncomfortable. Maybe that is a bit more then just being an introvert (I also grew up an only child) but I like who I am and my uniqueness. Actually, the pandemic has in some ways allowed me to kind of be myself (but I still want to get back to normal)

So being the person I am, how the hell was I able to this?

So a little back story…

When I started painting again, I began to set the stage for my departure from the corporate world. I hated working in finance. Even though I had devoted about 20 years into it, getting every financial license I could and making a good amount of money doing it - It made me so unhappy. Once I started painting and creating - I knew what I wanted to do. So as I was beginning the transition and planning the stage for my release, I knew I needed to find income somewhere else. Well my husband happened to mention it too. So out on one of our monthly date nights, we passed a rather exciting venue. There were people inside getting ready to paint with wine glasses in hand. There was loud music and everyone seemed like they were having a good time.

I was like - “this looks like fun.”

My husband said, “Yeah, you are going to email them tomorrow and ask for a job here - this is perfect for you.”

Me inside my head, “yes this looks perfect - BUT - this involves getting up in front of a large crowd - I Can’t Do That!!!”

The next day, my husband reminded me to email them. Me inside my head - made every excuse as to why this job wouldn’t be right for me (you know the excuses were only because I was too scared). My husband persisted. (He is very persistent).

This was a paint and sip studio called Pinot’s Palette. So people sign up to paint the painting of the evening or day and an instructor guides them step by step (and of course a glass of wine too). Everyone leaves with a masterpiece - you are kind of like a Bob Ross rock star!

So I emailed them. And low and behold - I got the job! I went into the interview with so much confidence - meanwhile inside I was terrified. They didn’t even see my inner trembling because after a few short training sessions, assisting other instructors and observing - They did it! They scheduled me to teach my first class.

Oh No! I am going to be exposed! They are going to finally see right through my disguise that I am totally unqualified for this job. How am I going to put on a microphone and guide a full class through a painting? How am I going to be entertaining if I am scared as hell? I was terrified - really - my stomach hurt - my chest was tight - I was in complete survival mode here. I practiced and practiced at home. I wrote out what I as going to say word for word and do step by step. What if I look like an idiot? What if I screw up the painting? The inner critique was having a field day with me.

Then I watched this video….

It was a TED talk with Amy Cuddy - discussing the concept of “Fake it until you become it.” It changed me. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy talks about "power posing" - standing in a posture of confidence (Wonder Woman pose) and even when we don’t feel confident - we can literally change this feeling to be more positive - simply by changing our posture. Sounds too good to be true right? Well I did it. I was ready - I went in the bathroom and struck my pose - I looked in the mirror and said, “Yess, I am going to get up their and be a rock star!” I put the mic on and that day changed everything - I could do this!

Long story short. I worked at Pinot’s Palette for about seven years. I eventually became the Lead Artist and trained others to gain that same confidence. I helped manage three studios. I taught over a thousand classes, private parties, corporate team building events for groups of adults, little four years olds, special needs adults and children. I guided scientists, doctors (yeah brain surgeons), accountants, and CEOs on painting and utilizing their right brain. My largest class was 250 teenagers!!!

250 Teenagers in one room!

I commanded the stage like a pro.

There was not one situation I couldn’t handle. I could take on a group of 30 - 5 year olds - have them captivated for two hours without an assistant (parents were in awe of this power). People would confront me after class and look at me as if they just experienced a life changing experience. They couldn’t believe they could be led to create like this. If you told me before class “I can’t even paint a stick figure.” I would respond - “you haven’t taken a class with me yet.” I was super confident - I stood tall on stage and even if I made a mistake - I flowed through it. I was a ROCK STAR!!! I was in a zone when I placed that wireless mic on - It was like I put on my technicolor dream coat and “became it.” If I had shared with anyone that this actually terrified me - no one would believe me.

Teaching on my birthday to a SOLD OUT crowd!

Covid put me back in my place though - I would have probably still been working there if we didn’t have a pandemic to fight. We had to shut down and my uncomfortableness returned (I was ok with that based on the circumstances). And, I decided to pack up my life and family and move to California. So my life as a rock star ended in that context - I transformed into sometime else!

But I learned so much in those seven years. I transformed and adjusted - I moved that confidence online. I host live painting sessions with ease and continue to guide others to see their creative potential. I gained the attention of other well established creators and my online following grew. But it all started that day when I took the leap - I tackled my fear head on and won!!! I struck a power pose and knew nothing could stop me. Yes, I was completely exhausted afterwords but I could do this.

So yes I call myself an introvert and I am proud of it!